…because i don’t make enough mistakes

on wednesday i saw a group of kids from my korean class at the library. although all 3 are either korean/half-korean, none of them knew korean (until this class, i mean). 

one of the guys joked about my korean partner being a jerk and i being a genius thought he said “jerk” as in “jerking off” so i said 

"yeah don’t ever do that with your partner." 

1) i shouldn’t have said that

2) I SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT. 

their reply was to laugh, say “are you serious?” and pry the story out of me. (i’m never good at keeping my own secrets, although let me make it clear YOU CAN NEVER PRY ANYONE ELSE’S SECRET FROM MY MOUTH.)  the girl looked at me like she thought i was a slut and the boys didn’t really say anything. 

INSTANT REGRET. 

especially when one of the boys asked for my number “in case you ever want to study with us”. 

with the way things had been (and still are) going with Evan, i was inclined to give him my number because there was a girl in the group and they were really friendly. 

…yeah. 

YEAH. 

same guy texts me tonight asking if i want to hang out with him and watch a movie. when i say no he asks me to come over tomorrow. and it suddenly occurs to me: 

HE THINKS I’M EASY. 

ok i know i overthink these, but why the sudden insistence on hanging out with me alone? 

am i really easy? 

is this what i am?

i have no interest in this guy whatsoever. NONE. 

i am beyond hurt right now. i don’t like this sudden attention. i don’t want it. i don’t want it at all…

and i am TERRIFIED of what i shared being spread through the class. they swore they wouldn’t; the boys did anyways. but the girl? she didn’t know who he was but one slip of the tongue to a girl in our class or something and BAM. 

bad things. 

this whole “evan” thing is still so so raw. i’m not over it. 

i don’t need another guy trying to get in my pants.